Just bread last night, no meat.

Today I did something I've never done. I woke up to the sound of my alarm which was set earlier than normal so I could get up and do some things before the real day began. We got home at 10 o'clock last night, but after showering and doing a few things around the house, I was fading and new I'd need some extra time this morning.  I used Stella's bathroom and then opened the door to Stella's room. It was shut not because she closed it back in the middle of the night on her way to our room so that B wouldn't pee in her room, but because she was still asleep in her bed. I slowly opened the door and walked over to the bed and gently put my hand on her back and waited. I listened for breaths and felt for movement. When it was confirmed she was, in fact, still alive, I slowly crept back out and pulled the door to. 

Half an hour later or so I went back in to wake my child for school.  
This was a first for me. 

This past week at the beach she's been going to sleep in her bed and sleeping almost the ENTIRE night in her bed. But, and this is a big but, her bed is in our room, just a few feet from ours. I think that's been the difference. She knows we are right there with her. 

Our last night at the beach-asleep in her bed below her new dream catcher

See, she normally she goes to bed in her bed or in our arms in the La Z Boy. Generally, after midnight but before 4 am, she comes strolling into our room and crawls in on my side. Sometime's I wake up when she gets in, other times I don't. I am then made to be the meat to what is our family bed sandwich while Donald and Stella are the bread because she is so hot-natured that she can't stand to be in between us while we sleep. So I basically spoon with her the rest of the night. I occasionally get an arm or hand to the face, or her hair tickles my nose and forehead, but I just push it aside and nuzzle right in again. I love to feel and hear the rise and fall of her chest. I love her smell, even when she's all stinky and has a sweaty head. Just recently I woke up in her pee and still, because I'm her Mama and I've had much worse on me, I was ok with it.  

Before we had kids, Donald and I said, "Our kid won't sleep with us. He/she will sleep in their own bed." And we meant it. But as a super tired nursing mama, I would opt to put Stella in the bed with me for that last feeding that occurred somewhere around 5:30-6:30 am. If I sat up in her room in the recliner like I did for the first two feedings and watched the sun come up, I knew I'd never be able to go back to sleep half an hour later. So when she got to be around 6 months and I could nurse her easily and comfortably on my side, I resorted to nursing her in the bed. That way we could both go back to sleep and sleep in until 8 or 9, sometimes 10 am. Then around 19-20 months, I accidentally broke the side to the drop crib. So Miss Priss would get up and walk into our room whenever she wanted to because she was still nursing. Now, at this point, she was only nursing 1-2 times a day and typically only very early in the am, between 4-6. She'd crawl in, lay on my chest and nurse and then fall asleep. It was THE BEST. Oh I loved it.  

Our nursing journey ended at 21 1/2 months, but she still continued to get into our bed every night. Like every.single.night. Until this past week at the beach. And 99% of the time, I didn't mind, because I barely woke up and like I said above, I loved the snuggles. But recently, she'd been coming in to our room much earlier in the night. And it was almost impossible to get her back to sleep in her own bed. 

So I put my hand on her back and quietly whispered to her "You slept in your bed all night like a big girl. I'm SO proud of you." She had this happy smile come across her face and you could tell she knew how proud I was and you could see she was proud of herself. But then she buried her face back in the bed. She moved her head just slightly in my direction and said, "I'm still sleepy" and cozied back into the covers.  

But here's the kicker-The thing is, I really was SO proud of her for sleeping in her bed all night. But I wasn't really all that happy. I missed the snuggles. 

Actually, I've missed out on lots of snuggles this past week. She(we) didn't nap the entire week of Spring Break. Usually, she sits with me on the beach and we snuggle and if not nap, at least just close our eyes and sit quietly for a while listening to the waves crash and feeling the ocean breeze. Or sometimes we'll cuddle up in the bed mid afternoon and go to sleep together. But neither of those things happened. And I missed it. I wanted it but I couldn't make it happen. Honestly I can't remember the last time she napped. Possibly this photo below which was taken March 13. She must have been truly exhausted to fall asleep here. I do remember she asked me to put quiet music on the TV for her.

So what did I do? I said, "Can I get in and snuggle with you?" Yep, I reversed things on her. She nodded and so I crawled into her little IKEA bed and wrapped my arms around her and nuzzled into her head so I could smell her conditioner and her smell and I just squeezed her tight. And it was wonderful.